i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
