i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
