i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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