My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
