yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
