Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
