We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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