my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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