I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
