totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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