We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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