using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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