And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
