I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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