please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
