I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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