I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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