stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
