rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
