Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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