Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
