normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize