i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
