I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
