Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
