My nipple is on Facebook.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
