I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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