There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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