Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
