The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
