What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
