If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
