I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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