FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
