Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
