I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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