This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
