I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
