You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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