So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
