three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
