I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
