So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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