Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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