Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
