I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
