This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are two peas in an std pod
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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