Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We are two peas in an std pod
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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