you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
