But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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