Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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