i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
