I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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