I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
