worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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