i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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