I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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