that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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