I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My life is pants optional.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
