I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
