Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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