fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
