Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
