I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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