He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
