Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
