I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
