You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
