my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
