That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I faked an abortion last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
