is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I believe in your delicious
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
