I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
