Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
