ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
