dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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