did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
