Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
