Your dad touched me again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
