yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
