Kareoke will never be a sober sport
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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