She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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