puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
