it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
