Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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