i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
